When Trust Feels Broken
Trust: The Hardest and Most Important Work When Your Child Is in Residential Treatment
When your child is in residential treatment for mental health challenges, the concept of trust can feel complicated, fragile, and sometimes, painfully out of reach. You may trust the therapists and staff, but feel unsure about your child’s honesty. You may want your child to trust you, but sense barriers between you. And you may even notice a surprising truth: you’re not sure if you fully trust yourself in this process!
Trust is at the core of every healing relationship—and when a family has been through a crisis, it doesn’t just bounce back overnight. As Summit Achievement co-owner, CEO and Clinical Director Nichol Ernst says about trust, you “gain it in drops, and lose it in buckets.” Rebuilding it takes time, patience, and a willingness to start small. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you start the process of rebuilding trust.
1. Acknowledging the Wounds
For many families, trust has been eroded over months or years of misunderstandings, missed expectations, or repeated cycles of hope and disappointment. Your teen may have hidden struggles from you, or you may have made decisions in moments of fear that they interpreted as betrayal. One of the first steps toward repair is acknowledging that trust has been damaged—without blame or shame. Trust grows best in an atmosphere of honesty about what’s been broken.
2. Trust Is a Two-Way Street
It’s easy to focus on whether your child is trustworthy—are they telling the truth, following rules, being honest about their feelings? But trust also flows in the other direction. Teens are often asking themselves: Will my parents listen without judgment? Will they keep my feelings in confidence? Will they believe in my ability to grow?
When your child senses that you trust them even in small ways—with a choice, with a conversation, with a responsibility—it builds their willingness to reciprocate.
3. The Role of Consistency
In times of uncertainty, consistency is the quiet language of trust. Showing up to family calls when you say you will, keeping promises (big and small), and responding predictably to your child’s successes and setbacks reassures them that you are steady, even when the emotional weather is stormy. Consistency says: I’m here. You can count on me.
4. Trusting the Process
One of the hardest parts of having a child in residential treatment is surrendering control. You’re entrusting your child’s care to professionals you may not have known just a few weeks ago. It’s normal to feel anxious and to want frequent reassurance. Trusting the process doesn’t mean you never ask questions—it means you allow the program’s structure and timeline to work, even when progress feels slow. Just as your teen is learning to trust you again, you are learning to trust that healing is possible.
5. Small Steps, Big Impact
Trust is rebuilt in moments, not grand gestures. In those moments, Ernst notes that you “earn the right to start earning.” It’s not a given. Here are some of the ways that trust begins to build:
- A letter where you admit you don’t have all the answers.
- A conversation where you truly listen instead of rushing to respond.
- Respecting boundaries they’ve set, even when it’s inconvenient.
- Owning your mistakes, and apologizing without excuses.
These actions may seem small, but they add up—and over time, they form the foundation of a healthier relationship.
6. Remembering That Trust Is Dynamic
Trust is not a fixed state—it deepens, frays, and mends throughout life. During treatment, there will be steps forward and steps back. What matters most is your commitment to staying engaged in the repair process, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Bottom line: Trust is not about pretending that everything is fine—it’s about choosing to believe in each other’s capacity for growth, even when the past suggests otherwise. In residential treatment, your child is learning new skills for honesty, communication, and self-awareness. At the same time, you have the opportunity to learn new ways to listen, to show up, and to believe in the possibility of repair.
Rebuilding trust is hard. But when it happens—slowly, brick by brick—it becomes the bridge that carries your family forward into healing.
If your teenager is struggling with their mental health or difficulty within the family system, and you are considering treatment options, perhaps Summit Achievement could be right for your family. Reach out to Admissions today.