The Importance of Co-Parenting
Parenting is hard work. Sure, there are tons of joys in parenting and there are moments when our children can make us forget about all our struggles in raising them… but it is still hard work! Co-parenting is the shared responsibility of two parents, who are divorced, separated, never married, etc., to meet the social, emotional, academic, and physical needs of their child(ren). Co-parenting can add an additional layer of the challenge because you are no longer just dealing with a struggling child; you are also dealing with an ex-partner who may have a different perspective than you.
Families that come through Summit Achievement are all in different circumstances. Some parents are happily married, some can be bitterly divorced–and everything in between! What they all have in common is that their child is struggling and needs help. Children of divorce/separation need stability and consistency in both homes. This is where co-parenting is crucial. Co-parenting is a challenging task, and it will require work and effort. Even if you struggle with each other, your compassion towards your child will eventually trump those struggles. You have created a wonderful human being (sometimes a few) together, and your focus should be to continue to give love and stability to that child.
Parents divorce for all sorts of reasons, and there can be a lot of hurt feelings on both sides. The fact of the matter is, if you have children together you still have a relationship with your ex-partner, even after your child turns 18! There will still be both celebrations and hardships that will involve the two of you interacting with each other for the sake of your family. Most of the time, divorced parents have the same goals for their child in treatment, but can have different perspectives on how to get there. At Summit, divorced parents are encouraged to set aside their differences with their ex-partners and focus on what is best for their child.
Support for parents at Summit Achievement. While in the program, parents engage in family therapy and parent support sessions. While we encourage parents to do these sessions together, sometimes it is best to have them separate to have parents better focus on their child instead of getting caught up in their own past relationship struggles. Whatever you choose to do for these sessions, we work with parents to deliver consistent messages to their child. (learn more about our family program here!)
Parents are encouraged to create a discharge plan for their child with the help of the clinical team to create structure, stability, and consistency for the home. Parents living separately can struggle to be consistent, and the discharge plan is there to help parents be on the same page. We help those co-parenting with an ex-partner establish the same rules, boundaries, and consequences in each home so that students recognize their parents are working together and are unified in their support.
When Co-Parenting is difficult. Some parents have come to our program after having tried time and time again to co-parent, and find that it just doesn’t work. There may be too much history between parents, or they may have drastically different views on how to raise their child. If this is the case, there is another way to parent called parallel parenting.
Parallel Parenting is when two parents have as little contact with each other as possible while maintaining a relationship with their child. The primary purpose of this is to shield a child from conflict between parents. This can be accomplished in different ways, all of which have various benefits and drawbacks. Suppose you are in a situation where co-parenting is no longer a viable option. In that case, you may want to seek legal counsel to clearly state boundaries and rules as to the custody/visitation of your child.
Parenting is tough. Co-parenting can be even tougher. But parents won’t be alone in this venture. At Summit, parents will have the opportunity to participate in weekly family therapy and parent support sessions. Family therapy will help to address issues in your family system and the parent support sessions are meant to teach parents skills and examine their relationship with their child. Parents will also have access to a support group for alumni parents and current parents, as well as a once-a-month webinar hosted by Summit staff. Helping your child become emotionally healthy and resilient is our goal; we can’t do it without you!
This Blog was written by Nick Faraldi, our Director of Family Support.
