Student Reflection: My time at Summit Achievement
It was 5 AM when the LOD (Leader of The Day), watch went off. My teammates were all sleeping, as were the guides. I woke up my guide, Whitney, who maybe was hoping I would sleep in. We packed day bags and headed up South Bald Face, almost running, so we could get to the top to watch the sunrise. We should have got up earlier because by the time we were on the ledges, the sun was coming up. We opted to stay at the “knob” and hung out to take in the beauty of a new day. I don’t remember what we talked about, I just remember that feeling of accomplishment and doing something challenging just for the experience. It was an incredible shared moment that I have never forgotten. And I would have never had this without the opportunities provided by Summit.
This happened over 15 years ago. 17 or 18 years ago, I was on a bad path.
Starting my freshman year of high school, I started using marijuana and dabbling in some other substances. My drug use led to other less than desirable behaviors. I don’t think I was capable of telling the truth. I was stealing thousands of dollars from my parents for drugs. I was involved in situations that would scare me to death if I knew my daughter was doing them. And I [was convinced] didn’t have a problem.
My sophomore year was more of the same, daily pot use, more experimentation, more dangerous situations. My best friend’s mom caught us using pot and gave me the opportunity to tell my parents which I did, but it was a half-truth. Eventually more of the story came out, but I never fully confessed to my behaviors.
It was that summer that my parents enrolled me at Summit. I hated it. I was quiet and unpredictable. [I had a phone call] with my parents my first week, which ended terribly. My mom was screaming at me and I was screaming at her. Totally unproductive and didn’t end with me getting out of the program like I wanted…. I think about it now, would I really have wanted to go? What would home have been like when I got back?
I was anxious for expedition. I was out of shape and was a daily smoker by the time I enrolled, and having to go hiking with this giant pack and the fear of looking weak in front of my peers was terrifying. As luck would have it, we were going canoeing. I had moments of sheer enjoyment while I was on “expo.” It was the best I felt in a long time.
On Sunday when we got back, I had my first feedback circle. I was scared. I don’t think I had ever heard positive or constructive feedback from my peers before and it was nerve wracking. It almost made me cry to hear that these kids I only met a week ago actually liked me. I had never felt so accepted and it was the corner I needed to turn.
I had many wonderful experiences while I was at Summit. I can’t say there was much about the program I didn’t like after I got over the hump. I’m sure I had gripes in the moment, but looking back, it was the one of the best experiences I ever had. I did have a problem. I relapsed shortly after Summit. I was in love with this girl and she introduced me to drugs worse than what I was previously doing. It went on like that for a while. I got arrested the March following my discharge from Summit. Some more bad things happened that I won’t mention here, but it was because of my experience at Summit that I opened myself up to the help that I needed.
I went to another program, short-term, and I was finally honest about my experiences. I got clean at 17 years old and still am to this day. No pot, no alcohol, no nothing. Because I have a problem and keeping drugs in my life won’t resolve it.
My substance use was more than just having fun. I was numbing my depression, my anxiety, my low self-worth. Was life worth living without substances? It was and absolutely is. Summit was the precursor for my journey through substance and mental health recovery. I have made a career from my mistakes in the best way I know. I help others who need help.
Being taken to the middle of the woods of Maine to live with strangers for a minimum of six weeks is scary. Having to do challenging work and be honest with yourself and family is scary. But the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. If you are scared as I was, as hateful towards yourself as I was, wishing you had someone who can understand like I was, then you have a golden opportunity to work on yourself and make a positive change. If my parents picked me up that first week, I would have robbed myself of one of the greatest experiences in my life.
– Anonymous
We are grateful for our alumni who choose to tell their stories!