Finding Meaning in “Welcome to Holland”
When you become a parent, you naturally begin to imagine the life your child will lead—the milestones, achievements, and memories that will shape their story. You picture a path that feels familiar: school successes, close friendships, college visits, and a bright, steady future.
But sometimes, that path changes. Mental health struggles, anxiety, depression, or substance use can alter the course in ways you never anticipated. And when that happens, it can feel like you’ve suddenly arrived somewhere completely different—somewhere you don’t yet know how to navigate.
This is where Emily Perl Kingsley’s beloved 1987 poem “Welcome to Holland” offers a profound reflection. Kingsley, a writer for Sesame Street and mother of a child with Down syndrome, describes preparing for a trip to Italy—full of excitement and expectation—only to land in Holland instead.
At first, she writes, you’re confused and disappointed. You’d spent your life dreaming about Italy—its art, music, and sun-drenched landscapes. But Holland isn’t Italy. It’s quieter, more subdued. The pace is slower, and it takes time to adjust. Eventually, though, you begin to notice Holland’s own beauty—the tulips, the windmills, the Rembrandt’s. It’s not where you planned to go, but it’s still beautiful in its own right.
For many parents in the Summit Achievement community, “Welcome to Holland” feels deeply personal. Raising a child who struggles with emotional regulation, anxiety, depression, or substance use is not the journey most families expect. It can bring grief for the life you imagined—and a sense of guilt for feeling that grief at all. But Kingsley’s metaphor reminds us that it’s okay to feel both loss and love at the same time.
Parents often describe the process of seeking help for their teen as one of heartbreak and hope intertwined. It means letting go of “Italy”—the version of your child’s story you once held—and learning to see the quiet, surprising strengths of “Holland.” You begin to find joy in smaller victories: a meaningful conversation, a safe return from an outdoor expedition, a new coping skill learned in therapy. These moments may look different than you expected, but they are still powerful signs of growth.
At Summit, we see Holland every day. We see families navigating unfamiliar territory with courage. We see teens rediscovering themselves through the structure of wilderness and the support of therapy. We see parents who once felt lost beginning to find steady ground again—building trust, patience, and understanding that will carry their family forward.
And just like in Kingsley’s poem, we see beauty emerge where it once felt impossible.
For Parents Who Find Themselves in Holland
If you’re living this reality right now, here are some ways to begin adjusting to your own version of Holland:
1. Allow yourself to grieve the change in plans.
It’s normal to feel sadness, confusion, even anger that your family’s journey looks different than you expected. Grief doesn’t mean you love your child any less—it means you care deeply about their future. Give yourself permission to feel those emotions without judgment.
2. Find your community.
You are not alone here. Connect with other parents who understand—through support groups, therapeutic programs, or family workshops. Shared stories can remind you that while your path is unique, others are walking it too.
3. Celebrate small wins.
Progress in Holland can be subtle but meaningful. A moment of laughter, a calm conversation after a hard day, or your teen opening up in therapy—these are signs of healing. Take time to notice and honor them.
4. Focus on your own growth, too.
Parents often put all their energy into helping their child, but your wellbeing matters just as much. Seek support for yourself—whether that’s therapy, mindfulness practices, or simply rest. The more grounded you are, the better you can show up for your teen.
5. Practice patience—with your child and yourself.
Recovery and growth take time. There will be steps forward and backward. Try to hold onto hope during setbacks, and trust that even small movements in the right direction are meaningful.
6. Learn to see Holland’s beauty.
It might not be Italy—but Holland has its own richness. In this unexpected place, you may find deeper connections, a clearer sense of what matters, and moments of grace that couldn’t have existed on the path you once envisioned.
At Summit Achievement, we believe that hope and healing can grow even in unfamiliar terrain. Every family’s version of Holland looks different, but each one has potential for transformation, resilience, and love.
You don’t have to navigate it alone—we’re here to walk alongside you.
If your teenager is struggling with their mental health or difficulty within the family system, and you are considering treatment options, perhaps Summit Achievement could be right for your family. Reach out to Admissions today.
If you’d like to read Kingsley’s poem in full, you can find it here: Welcome to Holland
Credit:
“Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley (1987). Copyright © Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.